American Idol, 2009 – Episode 32 (4/23/09)

Idol LogoBack in the house once again with should-be/will-be and results. Results live-blogging will appear below the fold once the show starts.

Last night’s show got rave reviews from a lot of people. I was not one of those people. Kris, in particular, was well-received. Although I generally like him, I didn’t care for it. This means either a) I am on crack, or b) the rest of the world is. Since I passed my last piss test, that means the answer is b. Hey, rest of the world, you need to get to rehab! (And take Paula with you!)

Anyway…

Who Should be in the Bottom Three

  1. Lil Rounds. A respectable performance last night does not make up for weeks of performances that were mediocre or much worse.
  2. Danny Gokey. He hasn’t done anything decent since his Rascal Flatts song four freaking weeks ago! He’s coasting, people. He has time to learn guitar, because he assumes he doesn’t actually need to work at this point to get into the finals. The sad thing is, he’s probably right.
  3. Matt Giraud is at least trying, and has gone pretty-good/terrible/OK over the past three weeks as compared to Danny’s terrible/terrible/terrible. I don’t think it matters, but I’ll stand up for you, Matt (this one and only time).

Who Will be in the Bottom Three

  1. Lil Rounds. I don’t think anything can save her at this point, except for a plane crash involving the other six contestants.
  2. Matt Giraud. Since two go home tonight, he’s number two. No, that’s not a poop joke! I just got done defending him, dammit!
  3. Anoop Desai. Adam, and, unfortunately, Gokey, have their fan bases firmly in place. I think both Kris and Allison have seen their fan bases grow over the past few weeks. Anoop has a fan base, but my guess is it’s not nearly as big. The money slot and a solid performance will keep him alive for one last week, though. And probably only one.

The results of our first American Idol poll, live blogging, and attendant spoilers below the fold once the show starts at 8:00 Central.

Poll Results From Last Night

Best:

  1. Adam Lambert (57%)
  2. Kris Allen (21%)
  3. Danny Gokey (11%)
  4. Lil Rounds, Anoop Desai, Matt Giraud (T-4%)

Worst:

  1. Lil Rounds (52%)
  2. Anoop Desai (20%)
  3. Danny Gokey (12%)
  4. Matt Giraud (8%)
  5. Allison Iraheta, Adam Lambert (T-4%)

It will be interesting to see if these results track with the eliminations.

Live blogging starts…now!

Aren’t you happy to know that since it’s Earth Day, they’ve announced that all of the celebrities who take their private jets to L.A. for the finale will go to a theater powered with green energy?

Paula Abdul had to sober up long enough to choreograph tonight. I don’t suppose this means the group number won’t suck tonight? Nah.

And how stoked is she that she didn’t have to work with Scott this week?

Paula introduces the group number, The Jacksons’ “Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground).”

This is really gay, but you can tell they put some work into it–a lot of weeks they look like they don’t want to be there, likely because they don’t. Can’t embarrass the boss, though!

And she’s sooo proud of everyone! And they give her flowers!

Awwwww!

Our special guest tonight is David Archuleta. And our Ford Embarrassment is “It’s Good, I’m Gone” by Lykke Li. Something about washing dogs.

Time to go to work.

Lil Rounds is first up. They send her to center-stage, and they don’t bother with bottom three stuff! Lil is gone!

She keeps her cool during the “I’m Every Woman” reprise, and improves it a bit.

Get a vocal coach and make a run, girl. I’ve trashed you a lot over the past few weeks, but it was nothing personal.

The judges say nice things to her, but no one tells her to get a vocal coach. I hope they do in private.

Back from the commericial, we go to the Great Disco Medley. Freda Payne opens with the great disco song, “Band of Gold.” What’s that you say? “Band of Gold” isn’t a disco song? Details, details!

Even if her voice is a bit the worse for wear, I’m happy to hear her singing this regardless, because this song is the bomb. I wish they weren’t making her do it all happy and smiling, though, because that makes no sense at all given the song’s lyrics.

Freda introduces Thelma Houston, doing “Don’t Leave Me This Way,” which at least sounds happy, even if the lyrics aren’t. She asks Simon not to leave her this way. Her voice is in fine shape, and when she’s done, she introduces…

K.C. of K.C. and the Sunshine Band fame! I was hoping for “I’m Your Boogie Man,” but I knew that was too much awesomeness to ask for. Instead we get “Get Down Tonight.” At least it wasn’t “Boogie Shoes.”

Cut to the break, back to the results.

Kris Allen first up. Safe. Can he take Gokey out?

Adam Lambert is next. Get the obvious out of the way. Safe.

Danny Gokey. Is it too much to ask? Of course it is. Safe.

Anoop Desai–heads to the bottom three. I thought so.

Allison Iraheta v. Matt Giraud. Oh, no! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Allison is in the bottom three! Khaaaaan!!!!!!

So it’s Anoop versus Allison after we get a little Archuleta action after the break. Curses.

And we’re back. Mr. Archuleta will be singing “Touch My Hand.” I never follow Idols after the season’s over (does that make me a terrible person?) so I haven’t heard the song, but it sounds like they’re going for a tweener-U2 vibe. It’s written for stadium play, obviously.

It’s OK for what it is, but he doesn’t fill the stage, ya know? Not just because he weighs 45 pounds. I get the feeling he may be a bit nervous coming back here. Oh, well, seems like a nice kid.

Back from the break, and it’s the moment of truth. Well, “truth,” maybe. If it’s Allison, I suspect a conspiracy involving the Freemasons, the Illuminati, and Chikezie.

Here we go. Heart slow down, please!

It’s Anoop! It’s Anoop! [Spraying beer everywhere]

Man, I feel bad being happy that Anoop is going, but this is American Darwinism, dammit, and my girl just evolved. Sorry, man.

We get the Donna Summer recap, and it’s all over except the Carrie Underwood song.

Good luck, Anoop. I’d like to buy you a beer sometime.

See you all next week for the top five!

Update:

Aw, hell. I guess I’ll never have another chance to use this.

“Anoop Sensation”


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