Good evening and welcome to this week’s results show. Do you think Paula will talk about what’s under her skirt again? We can only hope.
Below, I’ll live-blog what did happen. In this space, I’ll detail what should happen and what I think will happen.
Who Should Go Home
- Megan Joy. Please, please, stop the madness. I don’t think I fully understood the meaning of the judges when they said “cruise ship” until I saw Megan’s performance last night, which made me flash back to when I was a kid watching “The Love Boat.” The saddest part? It wasn’t even her worst performance! Please, America, send her home.
- Michael Sarver. An amateurish performance again highlights that there just isn’t any there there. Michael should give it up and make a few extra bucks singing for tips at the neighborhood beer joint on weekends.
- Scott MacIntyre. While he finally exhibited some taste this week, and it was an improved performance, the dude just can’t sing. I know I’ve written that a thousand times, but that’s the big issue with Scott and that’s why I keep writing it.
Who Will Go Home
- Michael Sarver. Although he’s no worse than Megan–probably better actually–the judges have been pimping Megan until this week. Sarver’s been getting banged on for two weeks, and I think that’s the difference. Tonight, he goes.
- Megan Joy. Her bizarre performance last night will put her in the bottom three for the first time.
- Scott MacIntyre. He will also make his debut in the bottom three, as the other guys (excluding Michael Sarver) gave good performances last night. I bet a lot of his one-time voters are defecting to other guys, and quickly.
Live nude blogging and spoilers below the fold after the show starts at 7:00 Central.
Here we go!
They’ve upped the drama factor of the opening quite a bit this week–it looks more like pro wrestling than American Idol, actually. Judges with snappy soundbites saying great things about certain contestants, flashy lights, &c. No smashing with chairs, though (this week).
They’ve pretty much turned these results shows into a variety show. There are no less than three performances by outside artists scheduled for this week.
Ryan has three words for you–“Kara DioGuardi.” Good one, there! Hope people got it.
Last night montage: From the snippets, it looks like I rated it about right. Maybe not Scott MacIntyre, though.
Here comes the lip-synced group number. “You Keep Me Hanging On” opens the medley, and it starts out decently, with Megan, Allison, and Lil not exactly making you forget the original, but doing an OK job for this sort of thing. “You’re All I Need to Get By” with Matt on lead is next until they all start singing and cheese the whole damn thing out. We roll into “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” and we are now swimming in a sea of queso. Then, blessedly, we go to a commercial.
We come back to the Ford music video, so at least we’re getting most of the painful stuff out of the way quickly. “Pocketful of Sunshine” is the song. They all run around with paintings and solve the world’s easiest jigsaw puzzle, composed only of rectangles. Lame.
Ruben Studdard, whose career needs all the help it can get, is next. He’s got a new single called “Together,” which he will now perform for you, ladies and gentlemen.
The song features the world’s corniest lyrics, but it is structured around a nice little piano hook. They should throw everything out but the hook and start over.
Ruben’s appetite is clearly still healthy, and he looks like he’s wearing the real-tux version of one of those tuxedo t-shirts. He’s still got a great voice, though.
Getting to our results.
Adam Lambert–Safe. He should be able to coast off of last night’s performance for a couple of weeks.
Matt Giraud–Bottom three?!? The death slot strikes! That ain’t right, folks! I thought his fan base was deeper than that…
Kris Allen–He’s got to be sweating after the surprise with Matt and being in slot number two. But he’s safe.
Lil Rounds and Michael Sarver–Ryan notes the curse of “Heat Wave” in prior seasons but uses it only as a scare tactic–Lil is safe, and Michael is, unsurprisingly, in the bottom three.
Here comes our second guest-song of the evening, Smokey Robinson and Joss Stone singing “You’re the One for Me.” Joss looks like she’s swimming in slow motion, and she and Smokey seem a little out of sync on the first chorus. They’re both great singers, so they recover and deliver a nice, laid-back “Cruisin'”-style performance.
Allison Iraheta–She looks much better tonight than she did last week. The money slot keeps her safe.
Scott MacIntyre and Megan Joy–Either is deserving of a bottom-three slot, but Scott gets it.
Randy says Matt doesn’t deserve to be in the bottom three, and he’s right of course.
And Scott gets sent to safety! Wow. Going first really sucks, huh, Matt?
Stevie Wonder is here to do a medley, starting with “My Cherie Amour.” His voice is still in pretty good shape. He then launches into “Superstitious,” followed by “Overjoyed.” “All About the Love” wraps it up, and we go to the commercial.
Michael is toast! Not the slightest prayer they use the judge’s save here, and he knows it. He’s got a good attitude, because he almost certainly expected this.
His final performance is much better than last night’s. Might’ve kept him in if he could have done it then.
The judges “deliberate,” and off he goes.
Good luck in your future endeavors, Michael. I wasn’t a fan of your Idol career, but you seem like a good guy.
And once again, I called two out the bottom three correctly. At least I called who goes home right this time. Not that it was hard.
See everyone next week!