When I wrote my post last night on the first competition show, I didn’t understand this year’s format. Consequently, any predictions I made didn’t make sense.
Now I get it, so here’s what I think about the results show:
Who Should Advance
- Tatiana del Toro. I hate her, but, unfortunately, she gave far and away the best female performance last night. Curses!
- Ricky Braddy. No question that was the best male performance.
- Anoop “Noop Dogg” Desai. OK, it wasn’t his best but it’s a weak field.
Who Will Advance
- Alexis Grace. The judges praised a mediocre performance to high heaven, she’s attractive even though she looks like a tramp now, and she doesn’t infuriate a good chunk of the American populace like Tatiana does.
- Danny Gokey. They put him in the catbird seat by giving him the coveted last slot, and they’ve been gruesomely pumping his sob story to insure that people pay minimal attention to his actual singing.
- Noop Dogg. People like him, and his performance wasn’t nearly as bad as the judges made it out to be.
Could Tatiana squeak through? It kills me to say that she should, and it wouldn’t surprise me if she did, but I’m not confident enough to pick her given the raw hatred she inspires. Of course, that didn’t stop Sanjaya…
Let’s see how I do. Needless to say, spoilers below the fold.
And they can’t even go three minutes without sexual innuendo! Simon is implied to be nailing both Kara and Paula and “disappointing” at it. Good grief.
Oh, joy! The first super-gay group number of the year! This take on “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz is actually decent by group number standards, which means that it’s more like nails on a chalkboard than having your fingernails pulled out.
It also conclusively demonstrates that several of these girls can’t sing at all. How did they advance? Oh, yeah, I remember now–they’re reasonably hot.
And the Insane Tatiana that vanished last night appears to be back! Hooray? Boo? I don’t know how to react.
Here come our twelve little Indians.
Casey Carlson: Gone! Seems like a nice girl, but her performance last night was completely wretched. Goodbye, eye candy.
Stephen Fowler: Gone! And no chance of a wild card slot, I bet. Too bad. He had potential.
Alexis Grace: Staying! One prediction right for me! And she looks slightly less like a whore tonight.
Ricky Braddy and Jackie Tohn: Both gone! Ricky Braddy was absolutely screwed by the producers by getting no screen time prior to last night. He should be pissed. If there’s any justice, they’ll bring him back in the wild card round. I bet you anything there’s no justice.
Michael Sarver and Noop Dogg: Noop is gone? Michael is going through? What on earth is going on here? This makes no sense at all.
This is a shocker, and now I’m batting .500, although Ryan says Noop Dogg was very close, which means so was I.
And here’s Michael Sarver screwing up this corny, overplayed song again, demonstrating to the American public why they just made a huge mistake.
Carly and Michael from last year: Doing “The Letter.” Sadly, they’re doing the Joe Cocker version instead of the Box Tops version. Coming next, the Nazareth version of “Love Hurts” instead of the Everly Brothers or Gram Parsons version. When offered a choice between bombast and subtlety, expect Idol to pick bombast. Always.
Ann Marie Boskovich, Stevie Wright, and Brent Keith: Gone! And deservedly so.
Danny Gokey and Tatiana: Whichever one doesn’t make it is a likely wild card contestant.
Gokey’s through. Call me the Meat Loaf of predictions, ’cause two out of three ain’t bad.
No big surprise, but that’s not fair. And now I have to hear this awful Mariah Carey song again, only this time he’s singing it even worse.
And more dead wife crap! Enough! This is repellent. It’s grotesque exploitation and it needs to stop.
Tatiana isn’t taking it very well. No big surprise there, either. I hope she doesn’t kill anyone with a big butcher knife tonight. I need to check the Drudge Report first thing in the morning to make sure she didn’t.
And that’s it for this week! Next week’s crew of 12 looks like a pretty lame bunch, but they can’t possibly be as bad as this week’s girls. Or can they?