American Idol, 2009 – Episode 5

Idol LogoWell, the dog just snuck in and ate half my dinner, so I’m in a foul mood before I’ve even started watching. So will tonight’s episode cheer me up, like week one, or irritate me, like Episode Three? Opening with Journey music is not a good sign. Oh, well, let’s do this thing…

Jacksonville

Wow, Randy. That’s the worst shirt I’ve ever seen in my life, except for maybe the shirt on the first contestant. I can tell he’s a douchebag already.

Joshua Ulloa: “Let’s Get it On.” This is more annoying that the B-52s.

How does Randy like this stuff? Or anyone else? He’s moving forward. Add one to the enemies list…

Sharon Wilbur: She’s got a Shih-tzu. I used to have one–great dogs. “Superstar” by Karen Carpenter. She’s easy on the eyes if not gorgeous, and she sings pretty well.

Kara almost popped her top when Paula jumped on her. Must be some rum in those Coke glasses.

Sharon’s through. That’s a good thing, I think.

Dana Moreno: Ringer.

Keneswa Finnie: “Caught up in the Rapture” by Anita Baker. Whatever happened to Anita Baker. Please be good.

She’s flatter than Olive Oyl. Ouch.

At least she has a sense of humor about having her hopes and dreams dashed.  Seems like a nice girl. Too bad she sucked.

Julissa Veloz: A beauty queen in some obscure pageant or other. She’s irritating. “I can do some Whiitnaay!”

Not awful, but certainly not good enough to go through.

Paula has left the room. She’s drunk again.

Oh, no. They’re sending her on.

At least she won’t go far. Simon will rip her a new one when she blows it in the Hollywood round.

Darren Darnell: “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye.” What a wreck this guy is! He’s upset that his friend didn’t make it? He should be happy! Less competition.

He’s awful. It’s not hard to say goodbye to go this guy. He can’t get off my screen soon enough.

Naomi Sykes: Oh, no. “Loving You.” Train wreck coming, or at least it would be if they’d sober up long enough to let the girl sing.

All this for a ringer! Are you kidding?!? Fire the director, the editor, and everyone else involved.

My mood just went even further downhill.

On to day two. Let’s hope things get better.

Jasmine Murray: Wow, she’s really cute. (Am I allowed to say that about a sixteen-year-old?) “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie. Well, I guarantee you she sings better than Fergie…

Maybe she should have picked a song with a melody.

Good enough, though. Give that girl a ticket.

George Ramirez: He looks like a cross between the guy from the Spin Doctors and a werewolf. I doubt this is going to be good.

He’s a singing nightmare and his head shakes like a bobblehead doll. Very, very odd.

Anne Marie Boskovich: Audition one. They send her out and ask her to come back. She’ll get through in a few minutes, I’m sure.

T.K. Hash: Sang last year, I guess. I don’t remember him, and neither does Simon.

I know you’re not supposed to say this, but I hate “Imagine.”  He sings OK, though. He seems like kind of a boring guy. He’s going through, but I bet he doesn’t go far.

Hey! I just noticed! No human interest story so far! Now that improves my mood.

Michael Perrelli: Some busker who can’t sing without his guitar. “Jumper” by Third Eye Blind. Adequate voice, but what a dumb song choice.

What a whiny little shit. Go away.

Anne Marie Boskovich: Take two. “Bubbly.” I like this girl a lot. Great voice, doesn’t seem like decent looks have gone to her head. I look forward to seeing her again.

And, yes, indeed, there was no human interest story! Maybe because there weren’t very many interesting people in Jacksonville.

Tomorrow: Salt Lake City! Lots of churches often means lots of good singers. Looking forward to this one. There has to be more talent there than in Jacksonville.

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