Well, my pool date got canceled, so here I am, sitting in the dark, alone, blogging about American Idol. Pathetic.
Despite the exhausting nature of it, I had fun with the live-blog last night, so I’m going to do it again. The difference is, I’m about 45 minutes late in starting, so it will really only be a live blog if you happen to be in Mountain Time. Or do they run shows there at the same time they run Pacific shows? If that’s the case, you people to the west of me, prepare for a glimpse into…the future!
I sure hope their singers are better than their football team. Or their baseball team.
Oh, man! Jason Castro is here to support his brother. He’s so stoned, I find it hard to believe that he’s capable of remembering that he has a brother. I wonder if his brother is also an Aggie?
I have the feeling I’m going to like these Castro brothers about as much as I like the ones in Cuba.
Chelsea Marquadt: “Without You.” Never, never, never try this song unless you are a singing God. Of course, a lot of these people have deceived themselves into thinking just that, Chelsea among them. She certainly doesn’t act like a ringer, so I think she’s sincere. Too bad–this is wretched.
Wow, Simon and Randy are having a good ol’ time destroying this girl’s entire universe. She doesn’t cry, although she looks close.
Kara needs to assert herself more. I’m interested in what she has to say, but the other three won’t shut up long enough for her to say much.
Ashley Andrews: “Footprints in the Sand” by Leona Lewis, co-written by Mr. Cowell. Blows the opening line saying “Footsteps”! That drives Simon (and me) crazy. Nice voice, though, and she’s a cutie. She’s going through, despite her odd body language.
David Cook Flashback: Even when they aren’t showing ads, this show is an ad.
Casey Carlson: Bad feeling about this one. “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlson.
Is she a robot? Her voice isn’t bad, but everything is ve-ry syn-co-pa-ted. If she wasn’t cute, she’d be going nowhere. She’s cute. She’s going somewhere. Hopefully to a vocal coach before L.A.
Brian Hettler: Opera training? None of these guys have worked before. And what’s up with that hair? It’s like when those hair metal guys all cut their hair off at the same time after Nirvana. “Think” by Aretha. What on earth is going on here? This is gobsmackingly awful.
Bad Singer Montage: I like the Michael Jackson version of “When You Say Nothing At All.” Why didn’t Keith Whitley or Alison Kraus think of that? Or Michael Jackson, for that matter.
Von Smith: Oh, no. I smell the stink on this one already. “Over the Rainbow.” When he isn’t screaming, he sounds OK. Mommy, why is this man yelling at me?
They’re going to let him through. Why aren’t they telling him that his arrangement was an unholy nightmare?
Kara says he’s got a “Big instrument.” Heh, heh.
Michael Castro: He’s just as stoned as his brother and he looks like Boy George. He claims that Jason is girly. There’s a word for that that isn’t just a river in Egypt.
“In Love With a Girl” by Gavin DeGraw.
He’s pretty good! DAMMIT! My enemies list grows by one.
Matt Breitzki: He’s a welder. You know they’re going to love this guy. Nice version of “Ain’t No Sunshine.” Randy doesn’t like him? Look at some of the people you’ve let through, Randy. The girls like him. Simon puts him through. Well, good! I hope he does well.
Jasmine Joseph: Oh great. Another lunatic. I hope they frisked for weapons before they let her in the room.
They didn’t poke her. That’s a good thing, as it reduces the odds of her stabbing someone.
Jessica Furney: “Crybaby” by Janis Joplin. Thank God it isn’t “Mercedes.”
Chubby girl, family values type based on the human interest angle. I like her. So do the judges. She’s going to Hollywood. Well, good. Now I have at least one rooting interest.
India and Asia McClain: Oh, God. Rappers. Do people really like this stuff?
Oh, they are going to sing. Asia (who resembles the continent she is named after) is completely awful. Shocker–her sister actually is decent! She’s like Yo-Yo or Ya Kid K or something. She’ll wear out her welcome quickly, but I like her for now.
Jamar Rogers: From Wisconsin. No relation to Aaron Rodgers, I hope. This guy and subtle have never been in the same room together. He sounds like he’s trying to be heard by the guy on the peak of the next mountain over.
Kara: “Just a little bit overdone.” Just a little? They’re letting him through? They will regret this. Oh, yes, they will regret this.
Danny Gokey: A human interest story. His wife died a month ago. We don’t even have to listen to this one–they wouldn’t be putting this on if he wasn’t moving forward.
“I Heard it Through the Grapevine.” Yes, he’s good. He’ll make the voting rounds.
Anoop “Noop Dogg” Desai: “Thank You” by Boyz II Men. Really, not bad. He’s through.
Observation: Almost all of the women trying out for this show in KC are insane and look like the living dead. I wish I had a lit torch to protect me–I fear they may have the ability to come through the television screen. If I erase the show after I’m done watching, will that kill their Satanic powers and stop them from eating my flesh as I lie in bed tonight?
Andrew Lang: I refuse to even describe the awfulness I’m seeing right now. Fat cheerleaders. “My Girl.” I hate this guy. He’s going through, I know it.
I know it.
Oh, thank God.
Asa Barnes: He’s a band director, but he sounds like he used to be in the military. I like him. Hope he can sing. “The Way You Make Me Feel.” Hope it works out better than it did yesterday.
Cool, he’s a good singer. Some problems with the high notes, and I hope he realizes that. I’d like to see him in the voting rounds.
Michael Nicewonder: Another psycho–a guy this time. Performing an original! What could go wrong? Next.
Dennis Brigham: “With You” by Chris Brown. Where do they find all these psychos?
I can’t believe they’re letting this guy through. I want to cry.
Mia Conley: “Loving You” by Minnie Riperton. Yes, it’s just as awful as you imagine.
She keeps declaring that “God’s gonna get you!” What is up with all these psychos in KC? I hope they had good security.
Lil Rounds: I have another favorite. She makes the top ten, easy.
So after two shows, who do I like? In no particular order:
- Lil Rounds
- Sarah Hughes
- Deanna Brown
- Ashley Andrews
- Matt Breitzki
- Scott MacIntyre
- Michael Sarver
- Jessica Furney
- Danny Gokey
- Asa Barnes
That’s a lot of good auditions, there are a couple more that I could have picked, and it’s only the first week. This could be a really good year!
Or maybe awful. They’ve put through a few real losers.