The Inaugural Justin Moore Award for Worst Song of 2008

With three of our illustrious critics submitting lists so far, it looks like the On Deaf Ears best albums of 2008 are:

TV On the Radio – Dear Science (Two number one votes!  Guess I ought to buy it…)

Frightened Rabbit – The Midnight Organ Fight

Fleet Foxes – Fleet Foxes

MGMT – Oracular Spectacular

Bon Iver – For Emma, Forever Ago

Each of these got a vote from more than one us.  This doesn’t mean much, as we obviously didn’t hear everything out there, or even the albums on each other’s lists, but it does mean something.  I’m looking forward to checking out multiple albums from the lists of both Jason and Normalnorman, and I hope I’ve piqued curiosity about one or two from my list.

Congratulations to the winners.  I have donated my spare change to McDonald’s House in your honor.

But what was the worst of 2008?

Envelope please.

The Inaugural On Deaf Ears Justin Moore Award for Worst Song of 2008 goes to…

Ahem. [Rustling of envelope]

JUSTIN MOORE!!!!!1!!!!!  For his stellar performance of “Back That Thing Up.”

Back in November, Jason wrote the following about this song:

Kid Rock can create all the Warren Zevon/Lynyrd Skynyrd Frankenstein hybrids that he likes as long as I never have to hear one song that I was exposed to today on what was otherwise a beautiful Sunday morning.

The song I speak of is by an artist named Justin Moore, and it reminds me of everything I hate about modern country music, farming metaphors, and Sunday mornings.  The title of the song is “Back That Thing Up,” a devilishly funny and clever (sarcasm still set to HIGH) take on rapper Juvenile’s “Back That Ass Up.”  However, where Juvenile’s song was a straight forward attempt to get a woman to put her butt in his face, Justin Moore apparently wants to clean his song up a little bit and make it about a girl learning to drive a truck on a farm.  But the innuendos abound.

My personal favorite of the bunch:  “Back that thing up/Throw it in reverse, let daddy load it up.”  There those country music artists go again, trying to take a thing as filthy and immoral as anal sex and disguising it as an innocent instructional video on how to handle a piece of farming equipment.  Makes me long for the days of David Allan Coe (link is NSFW).

Seriously, this has to be one of the worst songs ever.

I wrote in the comments:

I really have tried hard, but you beat me hands down. That is the worst thing ever posted on this blog.

Shine on Me” by Chris Dane Owens was expected to put up more of a fight, but in the end, the opening line of “Back That Thing Up,” “I know you’re scared of that cock-a-doodle-doo,” (when he really means cock!) scored a first-round knockout punch.

Congratulations to our winner.  In his honor, I have shipped a copy of “Back That Thing Up” to Guantanamo Bay for use in interrogating terrorism suspects.

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17 Responses to The Inaugural Justin Moore Award for Worst Song of 2008

  1. gibsonic says:

    Thanks, Gordon, for clearing up the true meaning behind cock-a-doodle-doo. Until I read that, I’d assumed this was an instructional video. Of course, the fake tits should have been a clue…

  2. Jason Austinite says:

    Just barely edged out were the Britney Spears masterpiece “If You Seek Amy” and “I Wanna Be Sedated” by Two Tons Of Steel.

    Thanks for the crap, sucky musicians!

  3. Jason says:

    Great song. Get ready to hear more from Justin in 2009!

  4. That’s great news! I can’t wait to hear “Moore”!

    Future releases include:

    “Full Service” (“You’re runnin’ on fumes, there, baby / Gonna stick my nozzle in and fill your tank with gas.”)

    “Special Delivery” (“I know it feels lonely when your box is empty / Special delivery, here comes the male.”)

    “Justin the Dentist” (“This is a situation of enormous gravity / Open wide, time to fill that cavity.”)

    “Turkey Dinner” (“You’re lickin’ your lips like it ain’t nuthin’ / Got my baster ready, you’re gonna love my stuffin’.”)

  5. gibsonic says:

    Make. it. stop.

  6. Jason says:

    Idiots!!

  7. john doe says:

    look, if u dont like the song jus keep it 2 yourself, i dont like stuck up snoby people who try 2 b better than eveybody…^..but i keep that 2 myself.justin moore is a varry talented song writer…and yes he wrote every song but 1 on his new cd. i have a simple solution for your “problem” with the song…..TURN THE STATION!!!!!

  8. John Doe:

    Thank you for making my night! Either you are incredibly clever, or you are so lacking in self-awareness that you don’t recognize that if you don’t want to read criticism of music, don’t go to a website devoted to criticism of music!

    i have a simple solution for your “problem” with the site…..DON’T REED ITT!!!!!

  9. john doe says:

    yes and this is from someone who has a picture of a CARTOON as a default pic. thanx for clearing that up you 12 yer old immature bastard!

  10. jack says:

    hey john doe man i have to agree with you.

  11. heather johnson says:

    dang…..gordon, he chewed you up and spit you out.

  12. John Doe,

    Any argument that you make is automatically canceled out by the fact that you are actually defending “Back That Thing Up” by Justin Moore. It’s a crass, degrading, and stupid song, not to mention lazy.

    Also, Gordon’s icon is from South Park, a cartoon for adults. Say what you want about cartoons in general, but South Park is about a thousand times more mature than… wait for it… “Back That Thing Up” by Justin Moore. “Huh-huh, he’s talkin’ ’bout a girl doin’ farm work, but also ’bout how he’s gonna sex her in the butt! Huh-huh, dat’s funny!”

    Finally, go buy a dictionary, you illiterate moron.

  13. john doe says:

    1.how long did it take for you to figure out that i was defending the song?
    2.if a so called “man” watches cartoon’s is he an adult?
    3.who would say “…sex her in the butt!”?
    4.what makes the son “degrading”?

  14. john doe says:

    and for all the people who come here……don’t ever come back..all it will do is kill you…as for me im never commin back to this site…it was a waist of my time….finally, go suck a dick gordon and jason,better yet you can just back your thing up on one,BITCHES..FUCK YOU ALL!!!

  15. A paragon of maturity, you are.

  16. […] it must be said–the first nominee for the Justin Moore Award for Worst Song of the Year has arrived. That nominee is “Miracles,” by the Insane Clown […]

  17. Luna says:

    YOUR AN ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!

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