Star Trek – 2009 (II)

Alex’s post containing lots of information and photos related to the upcoming Star Trek franchise relaunch with new actors playing the original cast has been one of our most popular.  It’s clear that there is a great thirst for information about the film.

I’m generally not the type to obsess about behind-the-scenes stuff.  I almost never watch the special features on DVDs, and I don’t read film gossip sites.  All I really care about is, “Is the movie any damn good?”

But with this one, I understand.  The original Star Trek series is something I have loved for as long as I can remember.  These characters are icons.  My childhood heroes.  I would take it personally if they screwed this up.  It would be blasphemy to screw this up.

I think they’re about to screw this up.

The excellent film blogger Dirty Harry continuously rails about the metrosexualization of leading men.  I couldn’t agree more.  Previous generations had Humphrey Bogart and John Wayne.  We have Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon, both fine actors, but does anyone really think they can kick anyone’s ass?  OK, Damon was almost convincing in the Bourne series with the help of a lot of fancy camerawork, but he’s no Steve McQueen.  Sometimes it seems like Russell Crowe, Mel Gibson, and Bruce Willis are the only leading men left with both an X and Y chromosome, and the youngest of them, Crowe, is in his mid-forties.

Captain Kirk kicks ass.  He kicked Klingon ass.  He kicked Romulan ass.  He kicked Khan’s ass.  If he needs to, he’ll break the Prime Directive and kick your ass.

Spock uses logic and the Vulcan nerve pinch to kick ass.  Scotty uses engineering to kick ass.  Bones  can kick ass with a scalpel or a phaser, and then wash down his ass-kicking with a mint julep.  Sulu kicked ass with a sword once.  Chekov enjoys vodka when he’s done kicking ass.

They had to kick ass.  They were exploring the final freaking frontier.

Dirty Harry states what is unfortunately obvious.  This Star Trek crew looks very metrosexual. The only one of this bunch who looks like he’d be able to deliver a good solid ass-kicking is Uhura.

The real Uhura once helped commit Grand Theft Enterprise. Now _that_ kicks ass!

The extra-cantankerous Ace at Ace of Spades HQ, commenting on the picture below, remarks, “Somehow Nimoy and Shatner managed to take that same pose without looking like they’re about to make out.”

Judge for yourself:

Very, very worried.

God, I hope I’m wrong.

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4 Responses to Star Trek – 2009 (II)

  1. Brisco County says:

    The first photo looks like the British version of Star Trek. The second looks like a reinvention of Kirk and Spock done by the same people who do the Yahoo avatars (who are about to make out). No matter what they try, every new Trek project fails because they never achieve the one vital feature that the original movies offered, which is the chemistry between Kirk, Spock, and Bones… while they kicked ass.

  2. Alex LaPointe says:

    I don’t know if you are a fan of “Heroes” (probably not) but Zachary Quinto’s character “Sylar” is a fucking bad ass. He rips people’s skulls apart and shit. He looks pretty fruity in a lot of stills but when he gets those eyebrows going, he looks pure EVIL. This photo of Spock I found on a BBC article illustrates my point.

    J.J. Abrams doesn’t fuck around when it comes to kicking ass. I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna be a watered down version of Star Trek with a bunch of moral conundrums (Next Generation) to ponder. Plus, they choose younger looking actors because the characters are in their early 20’s. Russel Crowe and Mel Gibson are like what, 50? Quit your worrying. Everything will be fine after the tune up.

  3. justbooksandmovies says:

    Have you seen the new trailer? It is not that bad, see it:
    http://justbooksandmovies.wordpress.com/2008/11/21/star-trek-2009-official-trailer-2/

  4. blogmylog says:

    You really think Shatner and Nimoy don’t look like they’re about to make out?

    OK. I guess I’m just overly imaginative, then.

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