Bob Dylan Sucks

Bob Dylan does not suck.

After spending six years of my life reading, digging, listening, following, absorbing and regurgitating nothing but Bob Dylan, I feel I have at least a Bull Shit degree from Bobbie Zimmerman University. I visited Hibbing, Minnesota. I met people who grew up with Bobby “Zimmy” Zimmerman and picked their brains about Bob Dylan.

I’m not a Bob Dylan fan.

What is a fan? It’s short for fanatic. What is a fanatic? By definition a fanatic is marked by excessive enthusiasm and often intense uncritical devotion toward someone, something, or some idea. The key word here is uncritical.

Bob Dylan is the best singer/songwriter who has ever lived.
Bob Dylan has and will suck more than anything I have ever heard or seen.
I love Bob Dylan.
Bob Dylan broke my heart.
Bob Dylan is the most prolific generator of shit music ever.
Bob Dylan is misunderstood.
Bob Dylan wants you to think he is misunderstood so he can sell more records.
Bob Dylan is my hero.
Bob Dylan is sincere.
Bob Dylan is full of more shit than Milli Vanilli and Vanilla Ice combined.
Bob Dylan is an asshole.
Bob Dylan has played more shows than most rock and roll acts alive today.
Bob Dylan should give up touring already, he’s an embarrassment to Bob Dylan.
Bob Dylan is Jewish and Christian and a Nihilist and an Atheist, he’s also a communist and an capitalist.
Bob Dylan has made some of the best records of the 20th century.
Bob Dylan released an album called “Empire Burlesque”.
Bob Dylan is a liar and a thief.
Bob Dylan is the only musician who sings the truth.
Bob Dylan’s lyrics are deep.
Bob Dylan said the the Sun is not yellow, it’s Chicken.
Bob Dylan is the only living link to what music was and what music is and what music will be.
Bob Dylan is too overrated.
Bob Dylan is the greatest living poet who happens to be able to play an instrument.
Bob Dylan has a horrible singing voice.
Bob Dylan changed my life.
Bob Dylan doesn’t give a fuck what you think of him.
Bob Dylan cannot be ignored.

Bob Dylan was the first punk rocker.

What is a punk rocker?

The punk rocker doesn’t give a fuck what you think.
The punk rocker doesn’t want you to love the punk rocker.
The punk rocker will break your heart if you are foolish enough to get to close to the punk rocker.
The punk rocker never wanted to say anything.
The punk rocker is an egotist.
The punk rocker is honest.
The punk rocker lies to your face.
The punk rocker is not the voice of the punk rockers generation.
The punk rocker could care less about the punk rockers generation.
The punk rocker cares about everything and nothing.
The punk rocker plays it loud as hell.
The punk rocker is jaded.
The punk rocker sees the beauty in the world.
The punk rocker says that the rawer it sounds the better.
The punk rocker doesn’t play music.
The punk rocker plays raw emotion in the form of music.
The punk rockers kicks out the jams.
The punk rocker is serious.
The punk rocker is a joke.
The punk rocker is hated and loved by everyone.
The punk rockers personal life is a train wreck.
The punk rocker doesn’t piss you off on purpose, that’s what punk rocker poseurs do.
The punk rocker plays what the punk rocker wants and if you happen to like it then whatever and if you hate it, then whatever too and if you have something to say about it you can go fuck yourself.
Bob Dylan was the first punk rocker.

Bob Dylan is still a punk rocker.

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24 Responses to Bob Dylan Sucks

  1. mardab says:

    exactly

  2. Allrightma says:

    All absolutely correct …. but that’s just the beginning!!

  3. Eric Havaby says:

    “What is a fan? It’s short for fanatic.”

    No. It was originally short for fanatic. Today, it has a different independent meaning. Words change meaning. “Nice” used to mean “crazy”.

    Fanatics may be uncritical. Fans may sometimes be uncritical. But not always.

  4. Luke says:

    You suck..

  5. hudson says:

    yes bob dylan is very complex. god bless him. i would say he is the sweetest punk rocker there is.

  6. milkcow says:

    You left out
    Bob Dylan is hot
    Bob Dylan is a senior citizen
    Bob Dylan is a sexy senior citizen

    geesh… the most important part.

  7. Jill says:

    Bob Dylan is Bob Dylan.

  8. diana says:

    exactamundo…
    hit the nail on the head, you did.

    and one hot ticket.
    yummy as can be.

    sigh.

    ;-)

  9. Toni says:

    so, are you a fan or not??

  10. Daniel says:

    I was a fanatic.
    I realized HE didnt want me to be.
    I did him a favor and stopped.Dylan was good at what he did, writng songs that pressed buttons, random buttons. It crazy how you can listen to a dylan song and feel like it contains the mysteries of the cosmos but when you really desipher , hes saying nothing its just HOW he says it. Damn he was good and even he dont know why it was all his formula and surroundings…

    influence of woody and his acute finger pointing lyrics
    lsd, marijuana and the burning motivation to not be overshadowed by the beatles. Personal competition brings out the best in you.
    (not a racial slur) but he also had that inherent Jewish witty cynosism.
    Pound for pound paul simon was a better song writer.
    My top 3 in order though

    Dylan
    Simon
    Tom waits

    Who else came close? They all make you feel like youve been ignoring the obvious.

  11. truth says:

    bottom line here is bob dylan is no where near a punk rocker , bob dylan straight up sucks , hes nothing more than a poet , if i want to hear poetry ill buy a robert louis silverstien book . bob dylan cant sing for shit and his music has no groove , call me crazy but yea i understand his songs where politically charged , but it didnt change shit, he just wasent that good and i never understood why everyone loved him , well the fucking answer is marketing , he was marketed like every other band out there , biggest example of suckness is the beatles , wtf was all the hype about . it was about marketing. beatles songs are so shitty and bland it makes want to puke.

    personally good music started in africa and africa is the birthplace of jazz (jazz and blues are the heart and soul of rock music) ,and was ripped off by the white man aka elvis, bealtes and all that ohter 60s blues based rock and marketed towards its hippy counter culture

    but this is all my opinion based on music history research , personally i love tons of artists but cant stand overrated, overproduced bull shit thats all hype and no delivery

    • Bob Dylan changed my life says:

      Hmmm.. hey “truth”, what in God’s name are you talking about? Just because you don’t like Bob Dylan does NOT make him shit… I could go on about his influence, his talent, his sense of humour, all that… but why? Bob Dylan touches peoples hearts, and people FEEL his music… he’s the only artist I’ve heard in my life that makes me feel like i AM his music.. and marketing sure as hell didn’t make me feel that way, nuh uh. It’s a matter of taste bud, you don’t like it, leave it alone, people who listen to Bob Dylan don’t care about your bullshit, son.

    • blob dylan says:

      yea he blows ass ,he is a tool fuck that will do anything to make a buck ,and who gives a shit what his opinion is about anything anyways?No talent at all, i think anyone that like this crap must be tone deaf ,riding the rail’s with the homeless, trying to get peoples story’s so he can rip them off and make believe he is one of them while the whole time having 3 million dollars in the bank ,he sings about things he knows nothing about he is a tool!!!

  12. Alex LaPointe says:

    You know who is a good singer? Michael Bolton.

  13. Jason Austinite says:

    No, I distinctly remember hearing somewhere that Michael Bolton is a “no talent assclown.”

  14. Kent Erickson says:

    I disagree with Truth. Say Bob sucks if you want, but to say his songs didnt change anything is ridiculous. Ever heard of the song “Hurricane”? Ruben Hurrican Carter himself has said on numerous occasions that Bob Dylans song is a big reason he was released from prison, as the song brought national attention to his situation. Not everyone needs to sing like a bird to have a good voice. Bobs voice lends itself to his lyrics really well. His songs have no groove, you want groove go listen to rap music or R&B, music with no meaning and just a bunch of beats. You can say the same about all popular music acts with regards to marketing, not just Bob Dylan, so whats your point? All popular acts suck? You dont have one album by a popular artist? Did you have popularity issues in high school or something. And the Beatles being bland? I am the walrus, this is a bland and boring song? Ok if you say so.

  15. Dylan and Bolton wrote “Steel Bars” together.

  16. Daniel says:

    Bob Dylan didnt try to sing like a bird, in fact he went to the other extreme intentionally crooning and distorting his voice. Its that element that does give him the punk edge, in the same way as Neil was the grandaddy of grunge. he was doing it before it was a category. There is no doubt that the media catapulted his popularity, but not without Bob kicking and screaming the whole way, he certainly never leant himself to thier forums. Ever seen any interviews of him in those days? he was a raving lunatic, made no sense what so ever except to say “We both know you really dont give a crap about me except that its your job to” He certainly didnt play into his fans hands, infact he seemed intent on shaking them every step of the way. He did his job and he did it well.

  17. blob dylan says:

    bob dylan sucks so hard if i ever see him i would like to punch him in the head and kick his harmonica up his ass !!! how can anyone think his singing or playing is good ,its easy to talk the talk in your songs when your born rich !!!i seen in a biography how he stood next to a guy on his death bed and wouldnt let him be till he helped him with his career,what a tool !his music is not entertaining at all and it makes me envy the Hearing impaired , like him ,i think he must be tone deaf ,he sounds like mickey mouse and plays off key ,i have made farts that sound better

  18. Steve Brogan says:

    I cant really say Bob Dylan sucks, more that he used to be good. His albums caught my ear in high school and I wore his records out. They most likely were played by young guys who were rebellious and probably dropped out of society at some point. If someone tried to make Dylan a role model, they most likely ended up getting hated by just about everyone in their life. I just got his last book on audio and he must be again trying to put people on; that or he went totally senile. He is writing a book where he could have really addressed the issues of politics, people in the music industry, etc, but he writes about what steet he walked down, what he had for breakfast etc. He and the other “heroes’ of the sixties came up with a counter way of playing people for dunces and calling it artistic superiority. Made some good songs though, cant take that away from him, up until maybe the early 70s.

  19. blob dylan says:

    he still sings like pile though ,admit it he sucks as a singer and he plays like total crap!!

  20. matt says:

    man i fucking looooove whoever wrote this. the guys a genius!!

  21. Alex LaPointe says:

    Note from the author: I updated the videos, the old ones got removed by fascist commie Nazi zombies from planet Crapulon 7 aka the YouTube admins. Don’t compare these videos as a sucks/doesn’t suck contrast. These videos are actually two of my favorite Dylan performances and serve to prove a point: Bob Dylan was a white faced, punk assed, skinny tie rockin’, coked up bitch!

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